Category Love

An Act of Love

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Social distancing is an act a kin to loving one’s neighbor, family member, co-worker, healthcare professional, and grocer. It is being Jesus in an upside down world where normal could be a death sentence for those you love. The Bible repeatedly admonishes us: Do not be afraid. And we shouldn’t be. The Bible also tells us over 900 times to be wise. Wisdom can silence fear but only if we act in concert with truth. Our faith often helps us accomplish difficult tasks. Soldiers going into battle, medical professionals facing pandemics take actions that can cost them dearly, yet they act out of duty and honor and love for those they serve.

Today, those the frontlines serve have been asked to help bare the load–not by putting on armor and going into battle with them but instead by staying home–literally, by remaining in our homes, safe, clothed, fed, sheltered, able to be entertained via social media, a good movie, or a well loved book. Past generations scrimped and saved, did paper drives and rubber drives, hid people in their attics, and went on rations. We have been asked to avoid unnecessary gatherings. For the love of God and all His people, do not pretend to be people of faith by fighting fear with stupidity. Do not think you are young and won’t get sick, or if you do get sick won’t die because it’s the boomer doomer. The coronavirus does not discriminate. It is not racist, sexist, or ageist. Without a strong frontline it can, and most likely will, kill you. Your decisions to social distance, wash your hands, close the doors to your non-essential businesses will decide whether tens of thousands die or hundreds of thousands die.

Our government did not act quickly enough to begin with and continues to take inefficient steps to get ahead of this threat. America is not prepared. And Americans cannot wait on this administration to care more about the people than profit margins. Proof of that fact has been played out in each one of the press briefings aired since 45 finally admitted the coronavirus was not a hoax.

On January 31, 2020 the Secretary of Health and Human Services, Alex Azar, along with Dr. Robert Redfield, the Director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, announced that the coronavirus presented a public health emergency in the United States. Just ten days prior, on January 21, 2020 Washington State reported the first confirmed case of the coronavirus on US soil. Two months later, as of March 21, 2020, over 15,000 cases have been confirmed  by the CDC which updates its count daily Monday through Friday at 4PM. According to the New York Times data base, which updates daily, that number is over 29,000.

If it hasn’t already, the United States as a nation is about to hit the point of no return, which means medical facilities and healthcare workers will simply no longer be able to care for the sick and dying.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

In addition to social distancing and self isolating, practice safe outings. Don’t bring the whole family to the store if you can avoid it. When you go don’t touch items you don’t intend to buy. The virus stays active in the air up to 3 hours. It survives on cardboard up to 24 hours. It can survive on stainless steel and plastic up to 3 days. Leave the non perishable products you don’t need right away in your garage or a corner of your home for three days if possible.

To keep your environment clean and you safe practice a few non-invasive measures. The BEST cleaning solution is a 70% alcohol to 30% water solution you spray on surfaces, let sit for 20+ seconds and wipe off. When you wipe make long strokes in one direction like you shovel snow so you aren’t just moving the solution around. Additionally, WASH YOUR HANDS–every time you leave your home and return. AND DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE! Use any kind of soap and water. Rinse hands with warm to hot water, lather up, get in between your fingers and up 2 inches above your wrist, rub the tips of your fingers, around your thumbs and around your wrists, then rinse off with warm to hot water. The water is necessary to penetrate the membrane of the virus, the alcohol and soap break apart the lipids that hold the virus together.

We quell fear with wisdom. We practice wisdom with truth. Fellowships all across the country are discovering the joys (and frustrations) of virtual meetings, prayer circles via FB or ZOOM or…, and how to connect as a group without endangering individual members. Most of us will, in all likelihood, get through this. I hope, when we get to the other side, we wonder if we over-reacted. That will tell me we did the right thing, we loved our neighbors well, and we were people of faith and courage who did not flinch in the face of fear.

I Don’t Understand

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So I’ve let March, and April, and May go by without blogging. To be honest, I haven’t written since February because I’ve been wondering what writing actually accomplishes. Two or three people might view my posts and usually one of them is my son. So, what difference does putting my opinions out there actually make? But lately, I’ve been wondering something else. Why aren’t more people writing? Why aren’t more people outraged? I don’t understand.

When I was growing up I believed the United States really was the best place in the world. I thought everyone would be an American if they could be. I thought we actually were a country where others could come to find open arms, opportunities, and hope for their weary hearts. I didn’t know about the dark places in our nation’s history until I was an adult, an older adult if I truly being honest.

When I was growing up I also believed Christians were a big part of what made America great. I thought if we all would just treat people the way Christians did the world would be a better place. Of course, I had wonderful role models. The pastor of Sunrise Presbyterian Church, Lincoln Anderson, walked the talk and Mrs. Baker predictable brought fried chicken to every pot luck dinner and always, always had something kind to say. Just thinking about her smile makes me feel warm. In high school my Young Life leaders, Glen and Cheri Govertsen Showed me that Christians could be fun as well as kind and faithful. Just a week ago I ran into Glen and he called me by name.  I hadn’t seen him in years. He’s lead hundreds of kids over the years but he remembered my name.

The truth is, most of the Christians I have known personally have shown me kindness. They have helped me when I needed it. Their doors have never slammed in my face, directly. Some have even let me rant, or cry, or swear, without showing me the door, personally. Still, I don’t understand. I turn on the news. I read my news feed on Facebook. I check out podcasts and talk shows and I am appalled.

Evil reigns in the White House yet is called good by Church leaders. But, the body of Christ remains silent. The principles and ideals the United States and the Church once stood on are threatened, torn apart, falsified, and poisoned. But, the body of Christ remains silent. God’s children of color are torn from the arms of their earthly parents at our borders. Others are beaten and shot by police in our streets. But, the body of Christ remains silent. Greedy self interest protected by fear mongering run rampant in the halls of our government and spews from the pulpits in far too many fellowship halls. But, the body of Christ remains silent. The checks put in place by our Founding Fathers to protect us from would-be Despots and Theocrats have been ignored. But, the Body of Christ remains silent.

I don’t understand. I can’t figure out why I am surrounded by so much silence. How is it possible for the loving, hard working, fearless people I once knew to remain silent?

I don’t understand. I have felt helpless. And, it is breaking my heart. But, If I let it keep me silent, too, then evil wins. If I let the evil I see make me too afraid to fight back, then evil wins. And it cannot, must not, win.

Wake up, Church. The Spirit is calling us out of the wilderness. It is time to march.

Love Never Looks Like Hate

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Recently the mom’s (of LGBT-identifying children) group I belong to via FB asked us to share our “coming out” stories.  Initially, I didn’t think I had a “coming out story”, at least not one worth telling. But later, I posted a slightly different version of the following because, while not earth shattering, we did “come out”, out from under an unhealthy mindset that let religion hijack our faith.

My son came out to us when he was 18. My husband “came out” to his men’s prayer group soon after and inadvertently “outed” our son to our church “family”.  Despite a prayer room rule that what is shared in the prayer room stays in the prayer room church leadership (who did not attend the men’s prayer group) were “notified”.  My son was told he was no longer welcome in the church youth group until he repented of being gay. (This was before he’d had any physical same-sex relationship, mind you).  Obviously my son felt betrayed.  It drove a wedge between my husband and son which, five years later, is still healing.  Since I and one older brother had already stopped attending that fellowship, I didn’t think too much about the fact that my youngest son suddenly quit going.  Had I known the full situation sooner I would like to think I would have confronted them but since I had not fully found my footing I don’t honestly now what I would have done. In this past year, I have written each of the current pastors (3).
Beyond this church fellowship, I have had no family or friend talk to me directly about my son “being gay”.  I am separated from my husband so his side of the family and I don’t talk.  And, my side of the family doesn’t ask personal questions so I don’t honestly know how most of them feel.  The few friends I have either don’t care, don’t need me to see it their way, or know I wouldn’t and don’t want to get an ear full. I freely share on Facebook so the “friends” I have via FB know as much as anyone.  Finally, I have mentioned casually to most of my students that I have a gay son. I wanted anyone who needed a safe place to know there was one–in school–especially since I live in a very conservative corner of a pretty conservative state.
Honestly, I have had it easy by my group’s standards.  I was already climbing out from under religious oppression when my son told us he is gay. By God’s grace, I was never so far under religion’s thumb that I would have considered my son to be anything but who he is. I accepted him immediately; there wasn’t anything not to accept. My son, however, was wrecked with guilt and self-loathing.  He had been under the church thumb much more intensely than I had been and I am convinced had I not “gone before him” he might easily have told us he was gay in a suicide note, afraid that like the Church we would reject him.
When religion causes a child the kind of pain it caused my child–THAT religion is evil. Our children and our world deserve better.  And the God we claim to believe in, the God we tell the world we serve, the Christ we say is our role model, deserves better as well.  I will never be convinced “God’s ways” look anything like the fearful, judgmental, character assassinations people like James Dobson, Franklin Graham, Michael Brown, and Kevin Swanson spew forth while others make excuses and repeat the mantra: “God’s ways are not our ways”.
I have told my story, my son’s story, in other posts. I do so now because once again people in the LGBT community are the targets of discrimination in the name of religion–most recently with a we-need-to-keep-our-women-and-children-safe twist. The right to discriminate laws passed by NC and elsewhere are indefensable.  And Christians, who truly believe in a God of love should be standing with their transgender brothers and sisters not against them.
Statistics do not support the claims by the religious right and their GOP puppets that women and children are at risk when transgender people are allowed to use the bathroom of their choosing. IN FACT, a well-traveled public restroom is a notoriously bad place for a would-be attacker to hang out unless he hopes to be caught. IN FACT: women and children are at greater risk of being assaulted or sexually abused in their own homes than any other single place. According to the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center, 93 % of child sexual assault victims know their assailant. 34.2 percent are family members.  IN FACT: in states where transgender individuals are free to choose which restroom to use there have been no verifiable cases of a bathroom assault by a transgender individual or person pretending to be transgender.
On the other hand, crimes against transgender people paint a dismal picture.  Transgender people are at a greater risk of assault and rape than any other single group of people.  According to the Office for Victims of Crime in Washington DC, a conservative 50% of transgender people experience sexual assault in their lifetime. This figure increases to 66% when talking about people of color.  Hate crime statistics release from the FBI indicated that such crimes perpetrated against transgender individuals tripled from 31 to 98 between 2013 and 2014.  Of the 53 transgender people murdered from 2013 to 2015, not a single case has been prosecuted.  When you consider the fact that transgender people make up only .3 % of the US population these numbers are alarming.
I have no desire to minimize the damage done or the trauma experienced from sexual assault and rape. However, laws like North Carolina’s HB2 will do more to allow such crimes than to stop them.  Harming innocent people never solves a problem. We must be willing to “out” the fear and ignorance behind these kinds of laws. For God’s sake, don’t let hate win this debate.  True love never looks like hate.

Radicalism

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A recent documentary hosted by Raheel Raza found here helped me understand some truths about various levels of radicalism.  It is worth watching because while it focuses on Radical Islam, the principles apply to other religions as well, especially Christianity.  Radicalism as defined in my computer’s dictionary is: “political policies that advocate more sweeping political, economic, or social change than that traditionally supported by the mainstream political parties.”  A cult is: a group, often religious, which uses psychological techniques, sometimes deviously, to gain and control followers.  The rhetoric of both is often emotionally charged and based in fear.  I submit that Radical Islam and Radical Christianity are both cults whose followers need to be shown a better way and whose leadership needs to be silenced.

Over the centuries Christians, like Muslims, have been persecuted as well as the perpetrators of persecution.  One would think, having felt the impact of persecution both groups would reject such as a means to their own ends. We know from psychology however, that a child who is bullied at home often becomes the bully on the playground.  In their extremes we end up with people like Joseph Kony of the Lord’s Resistance Army, and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi who is the current  leader of ISIL. 

BUT, extremists do not start out as extremists. And, it is too simplistic to think, “oh they got hurt, so now they’re hurting others.”  Many people who have been damaged by poverty, prejudice, and other life experiences do not end up leading armies of violence and oppression.  Something else happens to zealots along the way to becoming terrorists–someone takes them in, feeds their anger, directs their hate, and convinces them if they do not destroy the enemy (defined as anyone other than them) their enemy will destroy them.

An individual can do very little to combat a fully radicalized religious or political fanatic.  And, that’s okay; the government and the military can and will deal with those who would use violence to terrorize the masses. But individuals CAN work to make our own corner of the world free of the ignorance, fear,  and anger fanaticism feeds on.  We CAN diligently analyze our own behavior and attitudes for the anger and fear which creep into our thinking because we neglect to pursue peace and truth.  We CAN decide to stand on the side of understanding and choose to educate ourselves about what truth is.  We CAN focus our activities toward reaching out, including others, and showing compassion toward the marginalized.  And, we CAN also set aside our preconceived notions of “the other” and broaden our appreciation for what God called good–all of His creation–ALL of humanity.  Heaven will be a very lonely place if we exclude those for whom we have little compassion.

Christian Radicals are no different from Muslim radicals.  And, Christians on the path toward becoming radicals, who preach judgment, violence, and hate, like Kevin Swanson, are not any different either.  Their indoctrination of the masses begins by emphasizing one’s differences, drawing clear lines between the “us” and the “them”.  Everything that is not “us” is tinted with sinister intent.  And, since we don’t know “them” (mostly because we are adamantly discouraged from getting to know them in any authentic way) we remain cautious, even wary, or suspicious.  Ultimately, we are told to avoid associating with “them” for fear they might taint or influence “us”.  Sure, the language varies, not everyone is preached at with hell fire and damnation.  But even when the message is couched in nice, gentle language, the second a circle is drawn around “us” and some are left outside the circle the indoctrination has begun.

The more I have read the Gospels the more aware I have become of how little Jesus worried, how little He feared, how unconcerned He was with the power of the Jewish leaders who continually plotted against Him, or the Roman authorities who eventually had Him crucified. Jesus was never anxious, never undone by circumstances, and never overwhelmed by “what ifs”.  Jesus was fearless, not because He commanded a battalion of soldiers but rather, because His enemies could never touch the one thing that mattered–knowing God’s love.  Our enemies have power only when we are convinced they have the ability to take something of value from us.  People like Kevin Swanson, (who by the way is admired by the recent GOP winner of the Iowa Caucus, Ted Cruz), want us to believe that letting same-sex couples marry somehow threatens traditional marriage, that giving women a voice somehow threatens our family values, and that opening our doors to Muslims or Syrian Refugees will somehow weaken the integrity of our country.  In truth, Swanson’s radical views run counter to the principles which make the United States a great nation, but more importantly they run counter to Christ.

“Okay,” you say. “So, we won’t listen to Kevin Swanson, anymore.”  That’s good, but that’s not my point, because you do listen to James Dobson, and Franklin Graham, and John Piper, and a host of other voices that might couch their fear and prejudice in nicer verbiage but still plant the seeds of radicalism–the us VS them which makes us better than them, more deserving, favored above the “other”. Being chosen is a half step away from thinking of yourself as more important, or more deeply loved.  Once our emotional greed gets tapped our next inclination is to protect our position in the hierarchy.  The transformation from representing an open armed God to a fear-filled judge happens one “You are the child of the King” and “They want to destroy our way of life” at a time.  The reason our God is able to love you and me is because our GOD IS LOVE. It is God’s nature, His identity.  He can’t help but love our enemies as much as He loves us.  When we begin to truly understand this facet of who God is we will no longer be afraid.

 

 

The Third Candle

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One of my favorite passages in scripture is from 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”And verse 19 follows reminding us: “We love because He first  loved us.”

I have had to remind myself of these principles a lot in recent weeks.  Heck, let’s be honest–in the past several years.  With growing animosity from tea partiers and the religious right toward people of whom they disapprove it has been important for me to remember the power of love.

As tension mounts due to the situation in Syria and my fellow Americans respond on FB and twitter with fear mongering about the refugees, I have had to tell myself they are afraid.  They must not know perfect love or they would not be so afraid.  I have had to remind myself to be kind, to show grace, to try as gently as I can to pull back the blinders–exposing their fear and revealing Christ’s love as an alternative.

Still, I am puzzled and saddened by how many fear-filled people claim to know God. Why do they paint such ugly pictures and broadcast such dire warnings about opening ourselves up to the potential danger from terrorists who could possibly slip into our country along side the hungry children, worried mothers, grief stricken fathers, and war-worn grandparents that are the true faces of the refugees?

This morning I listened to a recording on FB posted by a proud mama of her daughter bring down the house with her rendition of “Go Tell It On the Mountain”.  It was a wonderful moment in Church for me.  The recording was a couple years old, however.  My FB friend’s daughter “came out” after the recording was made and is no longer allowed to sing in that particular fellowship.  I find it a shame that such God given talent would be rejected because fear and condemnation rule our behavior.

What understanding do we lack?  Are our differences really so great or have we simply not been taught to see the face of Christ in the lost, the wounded, the marginalized, the other?  One of my favorite scenes in the movie Schindler’s List is when Schindler, a catholic German who had become rich off the war stops the Rabbi character in the middle of work and mentions that the sun is going down.  Then he reminds the Rabbi that it is Friday.  Then Schindler asks if the Rabbi should be getting ready for the Sabbath.  Finally, he offers the Rabbi a bottle of wine.  The recognition of otherness in this scene is profound.  At the end of the movie one of the workers “donates” the gold from one of his teeth so the prisoners can make a ring they give to Schindler.  It is inscribed with words from the Talmud which read: “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” The changed heart of a German Nazi was used to spare 1200 Jews from the gas chambers of Auschwitz.

Today (12/13) is the third Sunday in the Christian celebration of Advent.  Some call it the Shepherd’s candle while others say it symbolizes Joy.  I think it is fitting to think of it as the candle of Others.  The Jewish leaders were looking for a Messiah but they did not recognize the Savior they were sent.  Their legalism and self-righteous interpretations of the scriptures did not allow them to see in the face of a baby God’s plan for the world.  Yet, when the shepherds were invited to share in the joy of Christ’s birth Luke 2 tells us they immediately went to investigate and were amazed by what they found.  I believe the simplicity of their faith and their lowly stature in society worked together to make them the perfect recipients of the Good News.  Their otherness opened their hearts and made them vulnerable to God’s plan.

The question before us this Sunday is simple.  With which characters in the story of Christ’s birth do we wish to align?  Are we in step with the religious leaders of the day–unwilling to see beyond the tenants of the scriptures we have embraced for centuries in order to purify our lives, the books of the law we have poured over night and day so we might discern God’s will, and our long-held understand of what the Bible says?  Or, are we willing to walk with the shepherds, in the middle of the dailiness of their lives, jolted to a new level of awareness, infused with a new hope and able–not to reject what they have been taught but rather–to hold it a little more lightly, share space in their world for the more of God.  I believe, even as my enemy wishes to annihilate me, my God calls me to love my enemy.  And, love does not reject.  Love does not shut out.  Love does not condemn. Love gives hope and margins and open arms.  Love gives joy.  And joy, when it is fed by love is never, ever afraid.

 

When Love is Tossed Around

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I feel prickly.  This morning (11/15) I engaged in an on-line conversation which started when I commented on one of those postit notes on FB.  I found the postit offensive, especially from a Christian perspective.  Since I knew the poster claimed a Christian allegiance, I dove in.  Grrr…I got nowhere trying to reason, became too blunt, and finally walked away frustrated and irritable.  I don’t like these feelings.  I don’t like letting my irritation gee best of me.  And, I really don’t like coming to the conclusion that nothing I can say will provide the person I’m talking to with that ah-ha experience which convinces him or her that the thread is truly offensive.  On the other hand, I think the fact it is offensive is a no-brainer, especially to someone, anyone, who holds onto Christ as a role model.  Yet here I sit, having just posted my Bullies VS Visionaries thread feeling less than hopeful, again.

I tried to ask myself why this mattered to me.  The fact that most of the people who see this person’s posts already stand on the same side of the line didn’t help me feel better.  In fact when I saw this individual had over 400 friends it made me feel worse.  At one point I thought maybe I’ll just be defriended and thus put out of my misery.  But that didn’t happen.  Instead, I got an assurance that the poster loves me and then–crickets. I tried to distract myself with other work BUT the pricklies lingered.  Even now, I want to break china or something just to express the ARRGGHHH!!! I’m feeling.

It has finally dawned on me that the assurance of love from the poster set me off more than the rest of the post.  Those words don’t mean anything.  When my Christian friends ignore my concern that the words they spew and the postits they repeat might actually cause others distress, might hurt their cause, might wound their God, when they justify their bigotry by evoking God’s name or some regurgitated interpretation of scripture, when they warn me about some dangerous slippery slope I’m on because I refuse to embrace their brand of truth, and follow it all up with those two little words: “Love you” I want to gag.  I want to call them liars and false prophets, hypocrites and Pharisees.  I want to plead with God, like I’m pleading right now, that He send down some divine wisdom, some super spiritual, undeniable, bigger than life, ah-ha of truth!

Mostly I want my fellow Christians to know that loving me, or at least claiming to, doesn’t take them off the hook when they don’t love others.  And, assuring me that they really do love “others” while I watch them offend, damage, frighten, and repel them doesn’t actually count for anything.  Just like wishing a starving man good health isn’t actually the same as sharing your meal with him, quoting scripture isn’t the same as walking it out.  I want my fellow Christians to understand that words, even words as nice as “love you” ring hollow when accompanied by behavior, gestures, and additional words which exclude, slander, demean, and wage war.  I want my fellow Christians to realize that even though they may feel good about themselves for being able to say “love you” even after I’ve angered and rebuked them, I am beginning to doubt the meaning of such love.

I want a lot, both for and from my fellow Christians, but since wanting something doesn’t make it happen and I don’t know any magic formula to guarantee we will ever learn to love the way Christ has loved us, I only have the following to offer.  I promise anew every day to love God more and my neighbor better, knowing that God will not do what I can do, and what I cannot do, He has already accomplished.

Breaking Bread and Lifting Burdens

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I made it all the way through the Easter season biting my tongue. I hoped against hope that the miracle of a resurrected Christ would somehow touch the hearts and spirits of the super-religious as they chanted their ugly hate-filled rhetoric at the rest of the world.  I so wanted this season to be a turning point, an awakening of the Church, a self-determined humbling of the religious elite.  But posts like the recent Dobson rant remind me of something I was taught many years ago–God rarely does what we can do ourselves. In other words, I don’t get to lose 50 pounds because I pray hard, unless I also develop better eating and exercising habits. And, the Church will not be known by its love unless I (and a whole bunch of others) do the work of loving more loudly than the haters hate.

How dare I, right? I mean, isn’t James Dobson the poster boy for Great Christian Dads?! I must be confused as well as a hypocrite. Well, sorry to break it to you (although I’m not really; I’m actually kind of angry) but, I mean to imply exactly what the statement above implies.  The voices of James Dobson and everyone like him need to be drowned out. His microphone needs to be turned off and the world needs to know that he and those who agree with him do NOT speak for the whole Church and, in my opinion, do NOT speak for God, at least not the loving Father who sent His Son so we could find our way back to Him! NOT the God the religious right of the day nailed to a cross two thousand years ago! NOT the God who broke down barriers between Greek and Jew, slave and free, male and female. NOT the God who reprimanded His disciples for barring children from His blessing by saying, “Let them come.” NOT the God I find when I read the good news of the gospels.

How dare James Dobson! or anyone else who claims to represent Christ, threaten Civil War if the Supreme Court rules in favor of same-sex marriage?  What country does he think he’s living in?  The United States is not a theocracy and it certainly isn’t governed by his brand of Christianity.  The Bill of Rights guarantees that no law shall be enacted that would establish one set of religious beliefs over another set of religious beliefs.  No one, including the people bringing suit, will be allowed to force a pastor to marry them or demand they be allowed to marry in a specific fellowship hall.  Pastors will NOT be arrested or fined and their places of worship will not be stormed or forcefully shut down. Sadly, the religiously self-righteous will still be allowed to spew their hate-filled biases and deny others access to God through their doors.

While thankfully we have reversed our traditional teaching with regard to blaming ALL the Jews for nailing Jesus to the cross, (A thorough explanation of this topic by David Gushee can be found here.), we also understand He was put there, at least in part, by the Jewish law experts of His day. The Pharisees tried repeatedly to trap Jesus with their knowledge of tradition and the Law but Jesus would not be trapped. Instead, He went right on breaking bread with the man who climbed a tree, prostitutes, fishermen, a man who’d been dead and was brought back to life, that man’s sisters, children, tax collectors, and everyone else who opened their doors to Him. I might find it ironic if it weren’t actually so tragic, how often modern day preachers blast the Pharisees for their legalism and denial of Christ but then turn around and prescribe to their followers their own set of standards for entering the Kingdom.

As I suggested in a 2010 post, found here, the Church bears a significant burden not only for the harm we’ve done directly to LGBT people by our vile name calling, bullying, and rejection but also for denying them access to the protected, covenant relationships of marriage.  Paul compares God’s relationship with His creation to marriage not because God needed marriage to make babies but because Paul wants the Church to understand God’s fidelity with, commitment to, and and love for His Bride.  As strange as the idea may seem to us today, Paul’s words to the Ephesians were as a revelation about what marriage should look like as well as what God’s relationship with the Church should look like.  In Paul’s day, women were considered property and in his letter to Ephesus Paul suggests there should be mutual submission between husbands and wives since wives were to submit and husbands were to love sacrificially–the way Christ loves the Church.  While most Christians would never suggest women should be seen as property it has frankly taken us a long time to get to this point.  Thus, I’m  saddened but not actually surprised that embracing monogamous same-sex relationship as equally valid to monogamous opposite-sex relationships has been difficult.

That being said, the Church must continue to move forward. I will pray that no one’s faith is crushed in the process but I also promise not to quit until the  voices like James Dobson and Franklin Graham, Mike Huckabee and Rand Paul are changed.  Their rhetoric not only harms LGBT people by telling lies and spreading fear it  causes division and confusion within the Church by labeling what is evil good and what is good evil.  It is time for the followers of Christ to reclaim our title. It is time we behave like little Christs and become known by our love.

Some Wall are Love

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In my little neck of the FB woods the image to the left is popping up all over the place.  I was struck by two things.  First, I found it pretty cool that the photographer captured a rainbow in the back ground given the Biblical story as to how the rainbow came into being and what it means.  Secondly I was struck especially hard by the caption which usual accompanied this picture: “Christians protecting Christians from Christians”. Let that sink in a little.

In Portland Oregon this weekend over a thousand people from the LGBT community and their allies gathered for the Gay Christian Network Conference.  This was not the first year GCN has held such a gathering but it is the first time the Westboro Baptist group decided to send protesters.  Yet, thanks to their pre-conference threats (perhaps in an attempt to deter some people from going) a third group showed up.  They too called themselves Christians.  Their plan was to form a wall of protection so that attendees could walk into the conference without being accosted by the Westboro group.  It worked and the thanks on my FB feed are flowing!

I would love to have gone to the Portland conference but as a first year teacher I’m not only broke but don’t have personal days to use for such events.  Still, I have enjoyed the reports coming from the conference and look forward to watching the videos.  Several in the mom’s group I’ve mentioned over the last several months went with their husbands to offer FREE MOM (and Dad) HUGS to those who need surrogate families.  I’m proud to be associated with these men and women.  I know many of their stories and am in awe of what they have overcome. I’m impressed by their determination to not only love their own children but to love those who have been rejected by their own parents, siblings, friends, and fellowships. That’s much too long a list but thankfully the numbers in those groups are dwindling.

I don’t know any of the people who formed the wall or who protested on the other side of the wall at the conference. I may have mentioned the activities of Westboro in the past but I really don’t need to give them any more attention then they’ve already gotten.  I do, however, want to talk about the groups and individuals who formed the wall.  I wish I could write each one individually and say thank you but I don’t know who they are.  I believe that was intentional.  Still, I want to thank them because while I have preached and whined and blogged about the Church standing up and representing the true face of God they actually stepped forward and did something!

These hands, feet, and hearts of God deserve our respect and our praise.  Some might have shared the same views as those attending the conference and some might not have.  That wasn’t important.  The side of the fence they stood on, and the lesson every other Christian fellowship ought to learn from them, is that the Christian God stands on the side of love.  These individuals helped to provide a safe haven and they left the rest for God to work out.  Those are not easy shoes to walk in but I am certainly glad to see more and more people doing it.

Some of the people who attended the conference did not learn that lesson soon enough to save their own children, siblings, parents, other family members and friends from the pain and damage of rejection, severed relationships, destructive behavior, and self loathing.  Some wish and pray they could have a second chance. But, those who can’t are reaching out to those they can. Instead of giving up hope altogether they hope their efforts will make a difference, heal some wounds, and eventually restore relationships within the Church.

In recent months, I feel my rage toward groups like Westboro Baptist subsiding, not because I no longer think their stance is wrong.  I am as convinced as ever that our sexual identity is not sinful and that God created each one of us with an equal capacity to love and to hate.  I further believe that He is for us, not against us and that He continuously encourages us to pick up His mantle of love.  Picking up that mantle is what helps me put down my rage or at least turn it toward more productive thoughts and behavior.  I feel less rage because I am feeling more compassion.

I firmly believe most of the individuals who comprise groups like Westboro Baptist have been raised in environments of fear and judgment.  They are trapped by the laws and condemnation they have created for themselves and expect others to live under.  They need as great an example of unconditional love as our LGBT friends and family.  And yes, while it can be argued that “they are hurting our kids”, it can also be argued that if we aren’t careful, if we don’t choose love we could be hurting their kids (as well as them).  Peace and love are never easy paths to take.  But that doesn’t make them less worthwhile.

First Love

minnow 3 Comments

As stories go in the LGBT community especially those of a LGBT identifying child growing up in a conservative Christian family my son’s is relatively benign.  Honestly, loving him was a no brainer from the family’s point of view.  Yet, we were ignorant.  We’d been taught the conservative Christian lie that sexual attraction and gender identity was a choice that could be changed.  And, while it took some of us a little longer to turn away from the lies, we didn’t ever reject our son or brother and did ultimately CHOSE to adjust our behavior and verbiage as the truth was made known to us.  From my son’s point of view, I believe, most of the damage was done before we knew the truth, before he let us know how he identified.  Our ignorant words and behavior created an atmosphere of fear, rejection, and uncertainty for him.  Before ever coming out to us he spent years struggling with self hatred, wondering if his relationship with God was threatened by his attraction to other boys, and living with the fear his family would reject him if they (we) knew.  Our unstudied, status quo answers to his questions (when he tried to test the waters of our judgment) contributed to his pain.  We can’t undo those years.  We can’t take them back.  I hope he can heal from the damage our lack of understanding caused and I hope we’ll be given opportunities to embrace the whole of who he is.  Even so certain scars will probably be with him for life.

As I said, my son’s story is relatively benign.  Some children who identify as part of the LGBT community feel afraid for good reason.  For some, coming out to family begins a journey through the greatest pain they will ever feel in their lives.  The heart breaking stories I’ve read from parents who learned too late how to love their children and the ones told by children who no longer have families who love them fuel my pleas to the Church–We must become more like Jesus!  Children shouldn’t need to turn to prostitution and engage in unsafe sexual practice because they’ve been kicked out of their homes, rejected by their fellowships and friends, have no where to sleep, and have nothing to eat.  Children shouldn’t be filled with such self loathing that they contemplate suicide on a daily basis or get involved with drugs to deaden their pain.  These are realities in the LGBT community and the Church ought to feel ashamed for our part in driving our children to these dark places.

Love first!  Be the first to love.  Embrace first!  Be the first to embrace.  Nurture first!  Be the first to nurture. These dictates ought to be the mantras of Christianity.  They were most certainly the lifestyle of Christ.  He walked out loving His Father God.  He walked out loving His neighbor.  And, He walked out loving His enemy.  He showed us what non-judgment and forgiveness looked like when he spoke with the women at the well, ate with tax collectors, prostitutes, and Pharisees, refused to stone the woman caught in adultery, and prayed about the soldiers nailing Him to the cross, “Forgive them; they know not what they do.”  He showed His compassion for all of humanity when he wept over Jerusalem, fed the 5000, and traveled through towns and villages healing the sick and forgiving sins.  His life was inclusive.  He did not tell anyone that because of their sexual practice, because of their gender, or because of their ethnicity they didn’t belong.  He did not tell anyone that because of their sexual practice, because of their gender, or because of their ethnicity He couldn’t love them.  The Church has said that but Jesus never did!

Personally, I do not believe members of the LGBT community are sinners because of who they love or how they identify.  But Church, even if you do still cling to that thinking, it is NOT our place to judge.  We must become the safe havens we once were.  We must keep the bullying outside our walls and refuse to let our fellowship halls become torture chambers or lion’s dens.  We should be leading the way to champion the rights of the LGBT community.  And, we should do it not because it’s politically correct and will increase our coffers.  We should do it because we are called to be salt and light; we’ve been commissioned to deliver the good news; we’ve been given our own freedom.  We should do it because Christ would.

I am not ashamed of Christ but I have been a shameful representative.  Forgive me.  Forgive my ignorance and my laziness.  Forgive my silence and my duplicity.  Walk with me where the spirit of the Lord is because there is where we’ll find freedom and there is where we’ll know love.

 

Community.

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I have had multiple conversations both on and off line in which on-line relationships and conversations are said to be of a lower quality or have less importance than face to face relationships and conversations.  I’ve seen numerous posts decrying Facebook and our addiction to it.  I’ve also had my fair share of experience with small groups, care groups, home churches, and fellowships large and small.  My personal experience doesn’t line up with the verbiage praising “real” face to face engagement over the “less authentic” on-line versions.  So what’s a body to do?

I’d love to have some of my on-line friends over for a nice dinner and a glass of wine.  I’m sure I’d enjoy laughing together more than laughing a couple hours later with my computer at something someone said…I mean wrote.  The human touch is inviting.  The trouble is weeding out the little irritations–the sound of her laugh, his constant interrupting, the over zealous protection of the furniture, or the lack of consideration for personal boundaries–is much MUCH more difficult in person.  I don’t have to listen to the ladies go on and on about the latest diet or hair-do nail polish color.  I don’t have to listen to the men talk about football, or basketball, or baseball.  I don’t have to hear how well Sally did at the science fair or how great a speller little Johnny has become.  I don’t have to mentally judge myself over and over during all those kinds of conversations and feel guilty or embarrassed or unsure or frustrated or seriously lacking.

The limited scope of on-line relationships helps me feel accepted–ACCEPTABLE.  And, I’m much more capable of accepting others, even those I know would eventually grate on me in person.  Does this make me a shallow person?  Well, I don’t know about making me shallow but it does sort of point out where my shallowness resides.  My hat goes off to the people who can do–face to face–what I am just starting to be able to do on-line: see others as equals, not be consumed by self focus (how I do and don’t measure up), and sincerely want to know, understand where someone else lives.

I recently posted the following note of encouragement to a new comer in an on-line group I belong to. As soon as I posted it I began thinking how beautiful it would be to find an in-person fellowship which functioned in the same way as the group I was describing to this new comer.

You will see a lot in this group. We are all in such different stages of our journeys that you are bound to find someone to walk with on the trail. At the same time, in the midst of feeling tired and knowing you are on a steep part [of the mountain] you’ll hear some of us whooping it up and wonder if you’ll ever feel like that, ever get to taste the cool refreshment of a mountain spring. You may even “feel” judged because you haven’t reached that point in your journey yet. Yet it is true, none of those who seem to be having an easier time or seem to be farther along in their walk are judging. We just don’t always remember, in the moments of our celebration, how it felt to be hiking a steep rocky path or what it’s like to get off the trail and lost in the trees. At times you may be convinced you don’t want to keep hiking. It’s too much work and the part of the forest you’re stuck in at least gives you shade. But I promise, the view just over the rise is worth the effort. The ways in which you can impact those behind you [on the trail] or still debating if they’re even willing to go hiking will make each painful step forward worth the effort. The energy you’ll receive when your lungs fill with the fresh air of love and acceptance and you know you’re standing on the top of a mountain with your son IS WORTH THE EFFORT! Bless you, _______. And know you don’t have to climb the whole mountain today.

I believe Jesus is the head of the fellowship I talked about in the above post.  This group has pooled resources, flooded members with notes of sympathy, encouragement, and congratulations, and even held face-to-face get-togethers in different pockets of the country.  I just don’t happen to live in a particularly accessible part of the country or have the resources to go somewhere else.  And so, I personally long for a physical manifestation of the heart of this community, a physical manifestation of the heart of God.

Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed to have these ladies in my life, these ladies with whom (because of the on-line nature of our group) I am not made painfully aware of my dowdy clothes, lack of make-up, or disinterest in wallpaper.  These ladies LIKE me on Facebook.  They encourage me in what I have to say and share my pain without judgement.  I am blessed!  But I know that someday, perhaps when I am more ready to be a manifestation myself, I’d like to enjoy a face-to-face fellowship that looks like my JBTB community.