Tag Faith

Outside Looking In

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I left building-based Christianity several years ago. Before 45. Before Covid-19. Before my son, who while trying to tell me what he believed was information that might cause me to reject him, needed to stop the car because he was also trying not to cry and couldn’t see to drive. I left because the people in the building where my family and I went to worship chose to embrace law over love, tradition over revelation, conformity over connection, and securing their own sense of safety over becoming a safe haven for others. Their decision changed them, or rather, it changed us both. Once I understood what choices had been made, I could no longer walk into the building without walking out an hour or two later feeling alone, or confused, or frustrated, or judgmental.

And so, I left.

I miss pieces of our weekly gathering together with others. I miss the worship and fellowship. I miss silently confess my short comings in the company of others who I assumed were also silently confessing. I miss feeling filled with a sense of renewal and hope. I miss these pieces, but I do not believe I would find any of them available to me if I dared to walk back into the building. Now that we have experienced 45, and Covid, and rabid fear mongering, and a return of overt racism and xenophobia. Now that we both–those I once fellowshipped with and I–have travelled away from the point of our initial parting.

Oh, I am fairly certain, I would find individuals still in the building who seem kind and generous and friendly, who willingly help meet the needs of others in the fellowship, and who would politely disagree with me should I dare to express my political, social, or religious opinions in front of them. I am equally certain, I would no longer find in any of the fellowships I once called home people who openly share my current political, social, and religious convictions.

Those two thoughts make me sad. 

I long for the right words–the admonishment or reminder–that could switch on the light. A prayer that would send the fear, and distrust, and anxiety (that has found a dwelling place in their buildings) scurrying for cover. A prophecy to reconnect the building dwellers to the faith I believe we once shared. And there it is again–my judgmental heart, mind, spirit–the piece of me that cannot–intellectually or emotionally–reconcile the words of love I once sang within those walls, tears streaming down my cheeks, with the condemnation, fear filled rhetoric, or blaring silence that now occupies the building. 

Last Wednesday, February 14, marked the beginning of Lent within the Christian Church. Most denominations recognize Lent in some way or other. The predominant teaching is that through fasting and giving and prayer believers can deepen their connection to God. I remember as a kid, my Catholic friends had to give up meat and sweets but then got a whole bunch of candy on Easter. And once, during college, a group of my friends covered all their electronics as a way of “fasting” something that was particularly meaningful to them. I don’t recall ever observing Lent with that type of overt behavior, but I know today that if I thought fasting, giving, or prolonged prayer would result in a “changed Church”, I’d sign up in a heart beat. The problem with that type of manipulation based thinking is that fasting, giving, and prayer have never been about changing the other guy. They’ve only ever been about changing our own sin filled (as in that which separates us from God) attitudes, habits, thinking, and behavior. 

I don’t have the answer. Or even, an answer. I am sad. I struggle to have hope. But if I do not hold onto hope, I am stuck in my grief and that is not where I want to be. So, I look for little seeds of goodness wherever they might pop up, evidence of the promise–like a wedding ring, or a rainbow, or a baby’s first breath–that God will not forsake us, even when, at times, it feels like They already have.

 

 

HE’S ON HOSPICE CARE

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Jimmy Carter, the quiet soul from Plains, Georgia, a peanut farmer, an author, a conflict mediator, a Sunday school teacher, a Nobel Peace Prize winner, a Habitat for Humanity volunteer, and our 39th president is on hospice care. It won’t be long until his whole story can–and will–be told. History may or may not acknowledge this man’s greatness. It will depend on how honest history becomes and with which lens it looks behind us. But, it doesn’t matter whether or not history gets it right for me to confess: I got it wrong. I didn’t vote for President Carter in 1981, the election he lost to Ronald Reagan and the first time I could vote for a president.

As I have gotten older, and especially in the last decade, I’ve come to regret that vote. Today, though I probably would have claimed the same back then, I truly believe that character–in leadership–ought to matter. Certainly we want a leader who can inspire, who can “get things done”. But, more importantly, we should want a leader–a president–who lands on “the right side of history”, who recognizes his responsibility to represent ALL the people, and to work for the common good, regardless of the political capital earned or spent. President Carter was, while he was president, and has remained, throughout his life, that kind of leader.

A one term president, Few Americans give Jimmy Carter much thought. But, did you know? President Carter put his peanut farm in a blind trust in order to avoid even the appearance of a conflict of interest. During his presidency he cut US dependency on foreign oil by half, created the Department of energy, and pushed for some of the first Superfund legislation to clean up areas of toxic waste, like Love Canal. He was the only president in modern history to not preside over a war or military conflict during his presidency. In addition, he negotiated the Camp David Accords: an Egyptian-Israeli Peace Treaty between Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin which remains to this day. And, in an act deemed ahead of its time, he had solar panels installed on the White House roof.

Yet it is the man, not his accomplishments, that I most admire. Carter’s advocacy for peace is well known, as is his roll as a Baptist Sunday school teacher. Less well known are his views supporting the equality of women, same sex marriage, national and international human rights, and the stewardship of our planet. As President Carter, Governor Carter, or simply Mr. Carter–Jimmy Carter practiced what he preached with faith and conviction, and personal integrity. In his farewell address to the nation on January 14, 1981 President Carter said: “If we are to serve as a beacon for human rights, we must continue to perfect here at home the rights and values which we espouse around the world: A decent education for our children, adequate medical care for all Americans, an end to discrimination against minorities and women, a job for all those able to work, and freedom from injustice and religious intolerance.” These are the principles the leaders of our nation should champion. These are the values that earn President Jimmy Carter a place in history as one of America’s greatest presidents.

Holding a Christian Faith in the Time of Trump

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The majority of my Christian friend have never been Bible thumpers, overt evangelizers, or even out spoken about their own deeply held convictions. Most practice the golden rule: “treat others the way you want to be treated”. They care about and for the less fortunate and show grace and forgiveness toward the imperfect–because of their faith, not in spite of it. So, I shudder every time Someone lumps all Christians in the same boat, and I am ashamed every time I catch myself doing the same thing.

The God I follow stands for creation, not against it. He wants the best for us and for all His creation. AND He wants His people to want the best for one another and for all of creation, as well. In this way, I believe in a relational God, as opposed to a puppet master who controls everything: the Spirit woos us toward that which is good and just and true because what is good and just and true is God. Still, we must choose to respond–to manifest the goodness of God and to pass it along to others. I fully believe God walked the streets of Calcutta as Mother Theresa walked and marched next to Martin Luther King in Selma. But God doesn’t just accompany the devout. When someone feeds the hungry, tends to the sick, and sits with the lonely, I see God in action. And what’s more–the world sees God in action. Conversely, oppression, indifference, and cruelty signal the absence of God. Personally, I do not believe it matters whether or not those ministering do so consciously aware they are, in those moments, His hands and His feet, God’s presence, God’s goodness, is still manifest which is why I have such a difficult time understanding our current political climate. 

The acts James referenced when he proclaimed: “Show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by my deeds.” are examples of our conscious faith in action. But, the works Paul mentions when he wrote the Christians in Philippi saying, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” are not necessarily conscious. Paul was calling the Church’s attention to this fact–when you see good works you see God. The vessel through which these acts are accomplished is not Paul’s focus, nor in my opinion is it ever God’s. So, when I witness those who proclaim the name of Christ engage in acts of cruelty, or oppression, or even indifference, I can’t help but believe the heart of God is broken. Our declarations of faith are like the chaff that in the final analysis will be blown away. What will remain are our acts of faithfulness, our acts of goodness, kindness, peacefulness, love, and joy.

I completely understand wanting to avoid divisiveness within the Church. We certainly don’t need new denominations and non-denominational umbrellas because we can’t agree on communion. Still, the silence of those Christians–whom I would call friends, in light of the deceptive, vicious, and self promoting rhetoric of this president and his dangerous, unpresidential, behavior, rocks me. The unwillingness on the part of my fellow Christ followers to publicly distance themselves from well known figures who on the one hand claim the name of Christ but on the other hand praise this administration, confuses me. How is it possible to ignore the ongoing harm done to our nation, the crushing burdens inflicted on the weak, and the irreparable damage done to the Church by its association with 45? How can you silently watch while branches of the Christian faith defend and excuse lie after lie, racist rhetoric accompanied by racist policies, bullying, name calling, finger pointing, outrageous self promotion, nepotism, the slandering of our allies and fawning over ruthless dictators, the glorified ignorance, and wanton corruption? When will the guilt of association be enough for you to cry out, for you to beg Church leaders to repent, for your silence to stop sullying the name of God? I am waiting, but I fear I wait in vain. I worry you have let fear of man and hollow assurances render you permanently mute. 

Modern day Christianity counts John the Baptist as a true hero of the faith. Yet, in his day, he was so vilified he was beheaded. John’s warnings were directed toward the power structures of his times–an oppressive government and a blind religious structure. I am afraid at times for my relationship with the Church and some of my personal relationships within the Church. I find remaining civil a greater challenge with each passing day of this administration’s rule. The checks and balances I once thought would stop someone like Trump from causing such mayhem, the faith and courage I once believed was part of the Christian DNA seem to have vanished and I am left feeling confused and sad and angry. For now, it is the power of my anger that gives me the strength to speak out. But I don’t mind saying, it’s feeling more and more lonely out here.

What Would My Mother Do?

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I don’t know how well I knew my mother. She played her cards close to her chest and few strong emotions, or passions, ever escaped.  The phrase to describe my family: private…to a fault, originated with her. Most of what I understood about her was observed, or deducted through story telling (an activity I loved about my family). Mom was well liked, intelligent, well-read, kind, but also no nonsense. She enjoyed being with my father, socializing with her friends (most of whom were sorority sisters), reading, playing cards, going to the theatre–especially musicals, and (I think) interior decorating and party planning. (She had a talent for it at any rate). My mom was fiercely loyal, conservative, not particularly religious but a woman with a strong moral core. Professionally, she was stylish in her attire and well informed. I believe I would have liked her had I met her as an adult, though we may never have traveled in the same circles.

My mother and I were not particularly close. I allowed a heated exchange when I was in the fifth grade (the only time I ever remember my mother raising her voice to anyone) build a permanent wall between us. After that, as long as I did not demand attention via misbehavior, she left me alone and I told myself I preferred it that way.

This year I turned 60. At times that feels a whole lot older than at other times, especially these days when there’s trouble in the world and I feel helpless to do anything about it. “These days”–that phrase reminds me of the song from Fiddler on the Roof, “Do You Love Me”. Tevye, the father figure in the story, asks his wife if she loves him. Their daughters have been carried away by feelings of love and he wants to know if her feelings for him have grown over the years. She avoids the question by talking about the “trouble in the town” and their “daughters getting married” but he persists. The first time I saw the movie version of Fiddler on the Roof was with my parents. I remember watching my dad gently reach over and take a hold of my mother’s hand  during that song and I’ve never been able to watch that scene since without thinking of my parents.

So, what’s with the sudden nostalgia?

I miss my mom. It’s that simple. More than I ever remember missing her before. And, with the trouble in our nation I want to know what she would think. I want to know if she would be angry about the direction McConnell and 45 have taken the Republican party. I want to know if she would see what is happening with a sense of urgent concern or if, like far too many other upper middle class Republicans, she would point to the stock market and the low unemployment numbers and try to assure herself that everything was going to be fine, that the ship will right itself.

You see, my mother was never particularly outspoken–certainly not in public–though I knew she had strong opinions, a formidable character trait with deep roots. She did not appreciate spectacle, self-righteousness, or hyperbole, so I know at least that part of 45 would disturb her. My mother’s views were anchored to concepts like, personal accountability, civic responsibility, and intellectual integrity. And now, I want to know what would win out, if what is happening in the world would have pushed her out of her silent observer modality and into an activism, or at the very least the encouragement of activism. I want to know if the feminist and humanitarian I always gave her credit for being, would rise up to be heard. I guess what I really want to know is if I would have her support, her guidance, her wise encouragement and if we would stand together.

At 60, I face a society that does not honor age, does not value women, and does not embrace personal change. These facts leave me vulnerable. I believe the systems that, in my mother’s lifetime, were the pillars of society and seemed indestructible–government, church, family, and education–are cracking and at risk of collapse. And I see that our society, which relies on these institutions, has become less secure because their power brokers have been willing to sacrifice their stability for personal, immediate, gain. Even though those in power have doubled down on their efforts to maintain control and those who do not yet feel in danger of falling may not want to hear that our structures are unstable, those of us who see the danger must rise up. We must sound the alarm. WE must right this ship.

We cannot simply go back to the way things were, for the way things were brought us to this point. We have reached the place in our journey where we must forge a new path if we are going to preserve the integrity of our principles. The only way to repair our foundations is to recognize the threat to their existence comes from within and then to remove the rot. I believe more Americans have anchored their lives to the principles my mother’s life exemplified–personal accountability, civic responsibility, and intellectual integrity–than have given in to blame, self aggrandizement, and intellectual fraud. I believe those voices–if they choose to be heard–can still make a difference, that it is not too late, that our destruction is not inevitable.

I believe the women in my family–my Mother, her Mother, and my Great Grandmother before her–would stand with me, if they could. I believe, as we look toward an uncertain future, these women would encourage me to embrace the challenge, to forge a better path forward for the whole, and to never give up hope that the greater good will prevail. So, that is what I choose to do. That is how I  honor my Mother on Mother’s Day.

Character Matters

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The greatest attribute President Obama brought to the White House–Good Character–should be the minimum we require of a candidate running for office. Good Character is why “I Like Ike” made sense. Good Character is what we tell school children made George Washington and Abraham Lincoln special. Sure, we have had presidents of weaker character than Washington, Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Obama. But history has not ignored, excused, or celebrated their flaws. And while 45’s supporters lead by people like  McConnell and  Graham choose to ignore, excuse, celebrate and even take advantage of this president’s worst tendencies, the rest of us must not let this betrayal continue.

Character matters. The field of Democrats running for president is rich with people of good character. In fact, the more I listen to them speak, the more I look into what they’ve done and what they want to do, the more impressed I am. That said, a couple question marks have already risen to the surface and voters must weigh how serious they think these deficiencies are.

Former Vice President Biden is considering a run. Even without an official announcement Real Clear Politics had him polling as the front runner in every poll through out March. But, Biden has a problem. According to  Lucy Flores, former Nevada State assemblywoman, he put his hands on her shoulders, sniffed her hair, and kissed the back of her head just before she spoke at a 2014 campaign rally. His actions she said, caused her to feel “uneasy, gross, and confused.” Flores is not alone; other women reported similar behavior from the former Vice President. These previous accusations were brushed off as harmless “Uncle Joe”, chalked up to societal attitudes that once were seen as “the giving of a blessing” from the patriarch of a “family”. But, is that explanation enough?

In response to the Flores charge, Mr. Biden issued a statement which read in part,

I may not recall these moments the same way, and I may be surprised at what I hear. But we have arrived at an important time when women feel they can and should relate their experiences, and men should pay attention.

In a video response that came out  Wednesday, the Former Vice President  said,

Social norms have begun to change. They’ve shifted and the boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset. And I get it. I hear what you’re saying…and I will be more mindful and respectful of people’s personal space.

The charges against Biden should be taken seriously. Women deserve to be heard. Yet, along side the accusations is a political record, with regard to women, which also ought to be taken into consideration. Biden was the original author of the Violence Against Women Act. He has been outspoken in its defense ever since. Like many of us, Biden’s views on abortion have evolved over the years. Ultimately, he believes the Roe V Wade decision handed down by the Supreme Court should stand, though he approved the ban on Partial Birth Abortion in most cases and believes government money should not go to provide abortions. If he decides to run his positions on these and other issues will be more thoroughly reviewed. But for this post, the issue is character. Should Biden’s past “old school” behavior toward women negate him as a candidate for President? It doesn’t for me. The jury is still out for the rest of the country.

Another strong candidate facing a character question is Senator Elizabeth Warren. After years of being called Pocahontas by the President, Warren took a DNA test and shared the results with the public. Rather than settling anything however, Warren’s choice seems to have muddied the water.  The major issue–did Warren ever benefit by the suggestion she might have some Native American ancestry–has not been talked about much, mostly because the short answer is No, she never did. What else do we know? First, the Cherokee do not recognize Warren’s DNA test as proof of anything. Secondly, Warren herself was not trying to claim tribal citizenship. And, finally we know something we’ve known for a long time, 45 is a racist bully who thinks he’s clever when he calls people names.

Should Warren’s part in the Pocahontas/DNA fiasco disqualify her from running for president? Of course, each voter needs to decide that for himself or herself. For me, it does not. Warren is so strong on issues that look out for the middle class I am willing to call her decision to take and publish a DNA test, misguided.

The last candidate I want to bring up is the mayor of South Bend Indiana, Pete Buttigieg (Boot-uh-judge). Some narrow minded people will undoubtedly call Mayor Pete’s character into question and they will do so for one reason and one reason only. They are self-righteous zealots, who feel justified in applying their twisted religious beliefs to everyone else. They will proclaim that the Mayor’s character is lacking because Pete Butigieg is gay.

Let us actually look at what makes up the character of this man. Before Mayor Pete was elected (and re-elected by a 80% margin after coming out as gay) South Bend made the list of the top 10 worst mid-level cities in the United States. Buttigieg brought it back from the brink. 15,000 jobs were added. Unemployment went from 11.8 to 4.1. A population which had been hemorrhaging grew by 1%. He took a seven-month unpaid leave from his job as mayor in 2014 to serve a tour of duty in Afghanistan, where he earned the Joint Service Commendation Medal for his counterterrorism work. Buttigieg knows 7 language including Arabic, which is unique in itself, but it becomes a matter of character when you read the story of Mayor Pete showing up to the ER to interpret for the mother of a gravely sick child. Finally, Pete Buttigieg is a man of faith, a faith that calls him toward his progressive ideals. And he’s not afraid to talk about either.

In this election–character–matters. Look for it!

I Believe

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What do you believe? We hear a lot about how divided this nation is, how ugly this election is, and how stubborn the “other side” is. What we don’t hear much about just what divides us. Why do people think this election seems so ugly? What do we think the other guys are being so stubborn about? So, I’m asking you, what do YOU believe? Whether you call yourself conservative or liberal, practical or progressive, I would like to compare notes.

Here, I’ll go first. Since I call myself a progressive I’m guessing some of you might be surprised.

I believe in the strength and importance of healthy families. I believe we need people in our lives who always have a place at their table with our name on it. We need people who, when we aren’t at our best, will offer a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, or a word of encouragement. We need a place to belong and people we trust will understand, especially when we don’t understand ourselves and are loosing hope. Most families, but not all families, have biological components, generational threads and gender crossovers, people we actually look like, some we might even sound like. All families have psychological components, shared experiences and deeply rooted places of emotional recognition.

My conviction about the need for family broadens my definition about what families look like. It helps me see that others need family that meets their emotional need for belonging as much as I do. And, it encourages me to not be afraid of what someone else’s family might look like.

I believe in community. In order for us to feel safe we need others we can trust. We need authorities who will treat us fairly, work for the greater good, and help protect our little corners of the world. To build that kind of community I believe we must be contributing members to the degree that we can be. Volunteering is important and paying taxes is important. Participating in activities with other community members is important. Whether that means playing in the all city band, running for the school board, or attending a city league softball game, our participation and contributions to others matter. Contributing and participating is part of what it means to take ownership. Rubbing shoulders with our neighbors, even our neighbors across town, is how we build safe places for ourselves, and our families.

My conviction about community drives my desire to increase the size of my table, to try to understand those who are not like me, and to make more safe spaces in my world.

I believe in God. Although I no longer go to a building for Sunday morning worship, my faith in a Creator has not diminished. And, while my faith has simplified, it has also expanded. I am convinced of the benevolence of God–that the Being which formed the universe is for the universe. I believe that we are each individually called by all that is Virtuous to be good, by all that is Love to show compassion, by all that is Grace to extend acceptance, and by all that is Merciful to offer humanity. My God is most clearly seen in the Jesus of the gospels, and is best emulated by the service of people like Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Corrie Ten Boon,…

My faith in God helps me seek the face of Jesus in those I encounter. It causes me to open my heart to the life realities revealed by other people’s stories. It reminds me that shared suffering and shared joy creates family.

I believe in lots of other things, too. Some of them, like self expression, the arts, and education, direct my passions and interests. Others, like excellence, dedication, and always getting up in the morning, inform my work ethic. But family, community, and God permeate every other aspect of my being. Remove or dramatically alter one of these and I would not be who I am. They are the foundation on which ever other part of my thinking rests.

For most of the people who read this I suspect Family, Community, and Faith are also foundational to who you are. Most of the people in my sphere of social media influence are willing to listen, desire to be problem solvers, and want what is best for the greater whole not just their individual lives BECAUSE they value Family and Community and are guided by their Faith. In her essay, “There is Nothing Virtuous About Finding Common Ground”, Tayari Jones states, “The headlines that lament a “divided” America suggest that the fact that we can’t all get along is more significant than the issues over which we are sparring.” What Jones implies by that statement is that standing on the side of justice and truth and morality is far more important than trying to find compromise with those who do not value justice and truth and morality. I believe the vast majority of people with whom I have interacted on social media would agree with Jones’ sentiment. So, what is actually dividing us?

I believe the short answer is–fear. We do not trust that those who are not in our intimate circles love their families, want safe communities, are willing to work together, or are guided by a faith in a Good God in the same ways that we are. Fear stops us from seeing the truth. Fear keeps us from taking the chance that the Other is more like us than unlike us. Fear is disabling.

This November 6th, I hope you vote. I hope you vote based on what fuels your hope, not your fear. I hope you vote for leaders who listen to what gives them hope, who want what’s best for everyone, who acknowledge the journey is difficult, the problems complex, and the answers require sacrifice and courage; but who also know the road toward positive change is best travelled together.

Through the Glass Darkly

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One of the best things I did as a parent  was ask my children: Who do you want to be?  When they had a problem with one of their siblings, when they wanted to quit, when they had been hurt, I asked them to shift the focus to the end of the issue and decide what outcome they could live with so they would know where to put their efforts.  Though I was not always consistent about asking them this question, when I did they usually wanted a restored heart, a fulfilled goal, a healed relationship.  Getting to those places became easier once they understood they had a place to aim which wasn’t only connected to the problem or hurt directly in front of them.

Recently, I needed to ask myself the same question.  I don’t like looking in a mental, emotional, or spiritual mirror any more than I like looking in a physical mirror.  Still, not enjoying it and not needing it are two entirely different things so…stand in front of the mirror I must as I ask: Who do you want to be?

Returning my gaze is a woman dominated by anger and disappointment.  When not “performing” at work, my brow is almost always furrowed.  My shoulders droop.  My hands tense.  And, my lips twist into a question mark or frown.  A pained, sad expression dominates my countenance even when I prefer to be joyful.  I do not understand how or when this woman arrived in my body but I do not like her and I want to show her the door.

Though anger and sadness are not evil in and of themselves, when left to fester they can cause harm and even become dangerous.  A couple different conversations–in person and via private message–have made me realize the anger and sadness I feel has not found a healthy release.  I may be able to justify my recent blogs and Facebook rants aimed at Republicans or the Church over political and social justice issues. Yet, being right and being heard are not the same thing.  If my anger is the first, or only part of what I have to say that readers see or understand my reason for writing has failed and even done more damage then good.

Who I want to be–a passionate, creative, discerning, and healthy individual–and what I want to accomplish–fight for equality, encourage the down trodden, and advocate for justice–are not served if my anger over shadows the truth, my frustration blurs the problem, and my judgment fails to point toward revelation and redemption.  Yes, I am angered by corruption, cruelty, and unfettered greed.  I am frustrated by intentional ignorance, the power of fear, and the exploitation of peoples’ need.  These problems cause me to want to shake my fists in the air and rage at the powers that be. But to what end?  Despair?   In truth, I have been able to do nothing to change our current political climate.  My own cynicism is growing.  I feel as though I am sinking into a bitter, helpless void.  It is not a comfortable space.  SO…

I have decided to a break from politics, and if I can ween myself from the addiction, from Facebook altogether.  I need to engage in some kind of productive activity. I need to create a clear head space so I can wrestle with the how part of the who do I want to be question.  I currently have seven books sitting on my desk and bed stand that I have intended to read for quite some time.  I have a half a dozen art projects started but have not taken the time I need to complete them. I have been distracted by the end of the world as I knew it (not to be overly dramatic about what’s been bombarding my thoughts these days).

The truth is my world, and my perceptions of the world beyond my little corner of it, has shifted.  And, I need to figure out how to function within its new parameters.  I’ve lived more than half my life but that doesn’t mean I should spend the next portion of it focused on dying.  At approximately my age my grandmother “wished” she had learned to play the violin.  Twenty years later she told me if she had only started playing when she had told herself she was “too old” she would have had twenty years of playing, twenty years of enjoyment doing something she had always wanted to do.  Twenty years from now I do not want to have that kind of regret.

I am not going to promise that I will be back.  I know only that, 1). it is time to look in the mirror and wrestle with my reflection.  And 2). I want to be intentional about the path I decide to walk.

 

“Freedom”

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William Wallace’s famous last line in the movie Braveheart often comes to mind when I listen to conservative Christians.  In general, I’m struck by how legalistic most are.  When I look back at my own life, I have to admit my adult children’s religious upbringing was steeped in religious legalism, and for this I am sad.  As a parent, I wish I’d seen it sooner, taught them to question the information handed them.  I wish I could have given them permission to step out of line without feel they might disappoint God.

As an adult looking back, I can see where and how I was taken in and why ultimately religious propaganda failed. Often set through the language of love, brainwashing in the fellowships I attended was accompanied by smiles and plenty of hugs. People desperate to fit in, longing for family, and/or geared to please authority became malleable. Specific displays of  loving concern such as tears, hugs, praying for one another, and lots of smiles, overflowed during alter calls or small group meetings. Prophetic words prayed over people highlighting their destiny as leaders, roll as prayer warriors, and children of the King were intoxicating.  We cheered: God is love.  We’re the family of God.  Bible up; Devil down.  Even, freedom in Christ. But the tenants taught from the platform were never unconditional. And while we gave lip service to a God that loved the whole world, what loving God in return looked like, was made crystal clear.  Ultimately, my own discernment was seen as divisive and my questions as proof of an un-submitted spirit.  The Men of God in the House of the Lord (and they were all men) were not to be doubted, because the Bible (according to patriarchal Western interpretations of English translations) is very clear.

Fast forward 10 years to the 2016 presidential election. Evangelical leaders, like James Dobson and Franklin Graham, took on the arduous task of convincing their followers that the front runner for the GOP, the man who would (thanks in part to them) eventually be crowned President of the United States, is a Christian.  Denying all evidence from his past and present behavior and ignoring his racist fear mongering throughout the campaign, these leaders not only proclaimed this man’s faith to the world but insisted he must be supported in order to save the nation from the anti-Christian likes of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Church, you have been brainwashed. You have been taught that anyone who does not believe exactly as you believe–about God, about the government, and about the foundation of the United States–is A). wrong, B). therefore the enemy, and C). as the enemy unworthy–unworthy of your trust, unworthy of your consideration, and unworthy of God’s love.  As extreme as it might seem to those on the outside, the jump from point A to point C is not actually a big one.  After all, your fight is against the spiritual forces of evil! And, God surly does not love evil. So, how could these men of God–Dobson, Graham, some of your own pastors–be wrong?!

The trouble is point A.  This type of thinking creates enemies in every facet of life not overtly controlled by your particular belief system.  For eight years the right painted Obama as anti-Christian, despite his history of church attendance and personal integrity.  For over 20 years they painted Clinton as worse than anti-Christian, despite her knowledge of scripture, personal testimony, and years of civil service.  For years, thousands, hundreds of thousands, believed that message.  Then, in 2016 a racist, sexist, xenophobe rose to the top of the Republican Party.  Some evangelicals tried to make excuses for their candidate’s vile rhetoric and ugly behavior saying things like, “He’s a baby Christian.” and “God’s ways aren’t always our ways–just look at King Saul.” (Saul who 1 Samuel 8 tells us was not actually chosen by God but was in fact a rejection of God by the people).  Yet, while many stuck with the plan and voted for the GOP candidate, others experienced a crisis of faith, a moral conflict which continues to assault their minds and spirits today.  They could see that the GOP’s King Saul was no more ordained by God than I Samuel’s King Saul.

You may not have been able to vote for Hillary Clinton, but I suspect, you were sickened by what you saw and were glad when the election was over. Now life could finally get back to normal if only those crazy protesters would quit…then maybe…

Yeah,…good luck with that.  The Holy Spirit wants to waken you.  And the Holy Spirit is not easily thwarted.

Christianity, (evangelicalism) has been split in two.  Some may hear that as end times prophecy.  Don’t go there.  If you need to put it in a historical context, think of it as a different kind of Azusa Street. Matthew 7:2 tells us we will be judged in the ways we judge others. One side of this split reads the Bible like a book of law that allows them to treat humanity like a giant game of Wack-a-Mole. Christianity has become their prison. The other side chooses to leave judgment up to God.  Their goal for the United States is to honor the separation of Church and State established by the Constitution. They are political only in so far as hate makes love political. Their moral imperative, as followers of Christ, is to treat all people with equal respect, equal value, and equal rights. In order to achieve this end, those who have been discriminated against, via our ignorance or our prejudices, must be protected.  These individuals do not seek, or receive, extra consideration by gaining our protection, but rather they seek–and we must see they receive–equal consideration under the law.

I pray the Holy Spirit continues to work in our hearts. In the mean while, if you want the United States to reflect your religious views–practice them and it will.

 

When Life Tilts

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To give thanks.

I am having difficulty this year, not because I don’t have a lot to be grateful for, but because fear took up residence in my heart after the election and has worked hard to push all other feelings aside.  I am truly nervous for the future–the future of our country and my own family’s future.  I want my children to be safe and happy.  Not happy exactly;  I want my children to be content with where they’re heading which really means, I want them both to be heading somewhere rewarding and confident they will get there.  In other words, my goal for my children is that they have hope.

This election, the current result of this election, has tampered with my hope and the hope I had for my children’s futures.  Yes, I have my health, food on my table, and a roof over my head.  I have a job, a car, a comfy bed.  I have many things other people around the world are not fortunate enough to have, to the point that not feeling thankful or not acknowledging my blessings makes me a privileged snob and I feel guilty for my lack of gratefulness. So yes, I ought to get over myself.  But, I’ve lost something and I want it back.

Proverbs 13:12 teaches us that, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  Personally, I feel sick.  And no, not from gorging myself at Thanksgiving dinner.  I am heart sick, overwhelmed by all the reports of harassment, intimidation, and violence, dejected by the lack of concern from those who demand I give Trump a chance and claim they aren’t sexist, racist, homophobic, or xenophobic. I am demoralized by most of the President-elect ‘s appointments. And, I feel helpless with regard to the on-going events at Standing Rock.  Article after article on my news feed predicts gloom and doom for our country.  And from Trump’s supporters?  Jeering and hostility, or worse–silence.

My brain has  tilted somehow and I cannot push it back to where it was.  I don’t have a better way to explain how this election has impacted me.  As a relatively safe person–because I’m white, because I’m educated, because I live in a rural community, and because I have a steady job–I haven’t personally felt the impact of what happened, so being off kilter like this doesn’t make sense. And that is precisely my problem–I can’t make sense of this.

Trump’s horrific treatment of women,  xenophobic and racial slurs, mismanagement of money, abuse of employees, and manipulation of bankruptcy laws and tax codes were well-documented and often repeated.  His verbiage and behavior doesn’t square with the work ethic and moral fiber of the American I knew and believed in, yet he was elected.  I don’t want to believe that many Americans are racist or sexist.  I don’t want to believe that many people are ready to abandon our principles of liberty and justice for all.  And in fact when I listen to the other side, I hear many people argue that it is because they believe in those principles that they voted they way they did.  They say they are tired of a government that has forgotten the  needs of the working middle class, a government that caters to the whims of wealthy, a government that does not treat all people equally.  That is why they elected the “outsider”.  It was a perfect storm–people wanting change and a tough talking anti-politician offering to give it to them.  But now that the hurricane has been  unleashed, we need to learn to navigate the gale forces about to hit our shores.  I know not everyone sees a storm coming but that lack of knowledge won’t protect them.  And, I can’t shut my eyes and pretend I don’t see what I see.  Fear cast a long shadow but perfect love casts out fear.

This Thanksgiving as I contemplate what I ought to be thankful for I am reminded of another passage of scripture, Isaiah 42:4 “He will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his teaching the islands will put their hope.”  Christians claim this prophesy points to Jesus.  According to the Gospels the ministry of love Jesus walked out was often accomplished one person at a time–administering justice, healing a person’s wounds, addressing individual brokenness, and infusing the discouraged with hope.

So, it might not be much, but this year I am grateful for Christ’s one person model.  It helps to revive my hope and that restores my balance.

 

 

 

 

“I am a Muslim”

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Jonathan Greenblatt, the CEO of the Anti-Defamation League, recently promised if the United states began a registry of Muslims he, “a proud Jew”, would register as a Muslim.  A FB group I follow ran the article and the comments filled with others making the same pledge.  I wanted to.  I even started to add my name.  Then my brain began playing scenarios–what if someone held my son or daughter at gun point and insisted if I was a Muslim my child must also be.  I tried to reason with my brain telling myself, “I would just say I converted but my child did not.” It didn’t matter.  In that moment I knew their threat engaged my fear and trapped me.  Only when push came to shove would I know my true character. As much as I wanted to add my name to the comments, I didn’t actually know what I would do.

My thinking quickly turned to history.  I thought about all the Christians who were fed to the lions and the Romans who  converted to Christianity under Constantine rather than be crucified.  I thought about the Crusades and about how Native Americans were treated by whites as settlers “expanded” the West. Over and over through out history people groups have been told, “convert or die.”  Eventually, I returned to the original post. The idea of converting in order to line up with those slated to die was pretty novel. (And please, don’t insult my intelligence; we all know registration was simply the first step to Hitler’s gas chambers). The more I thought about it, the more I was struck by what an amazing feat it would be if enough non-Muslims registered as Muslim to put a wrench in the whole plan.  But, who would line up?  I was certain I could name people from history–Gandhi, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Corrie Ten Boom, Martin Luther King–people of faith and principle.  But what about now?

Surly some would come forward, modern day men and women of faith and principle who would stand with Mr. Greenblatt.  I thought about Larycia Hawkins, a Wheaton College professor who wore a hijab not long ago as a symbol of support for Muslim women. She took a stand, lined up on the side of compassion and justice and was summarily fired from Wheaton, a Christian institution.    Then I thought about other religious voices, like Franklin Graham, Jerry Falwell, and James Dobson.  I remembered their defense of Trump even in the wake of his blatant racist and sexist remarks.  I thought about all the name calling, finger pointing, and hat speech reported about Trump’s followers since the election. And I thought about the stunning silence of these same Christian voices.

Just to be clear, we have had plenty of opportunities to speak out since the election.  The most recent update from the Southern Poverty Law Center‘s Hatewatch lists over 200 anti-immigration incidents of harassment or intimidation since November 8, with over 50 directed specifically against Muslims.  If we add other targeted groups, such as Blacks and people from the LGBT community, the incidents number over 700.  These are staggering numbers, especially when you consider for every reported incident, we can expect a dozen or more that go unreported.

Back in high school in my world history class I used to wonder about the German people.  How could they allow Hitler to commit such horrific acts against 6 million Jews?  In my naïve self-righteousness I over looked the fact that Hitler also killed 5 million non-Jews in his camps and gas chambers.  These deaths included: half a million Gypsies who were also seen as inferior to the pure German race, 5,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses for refusing to pledge their allegiance to the Nazi cause, between 5,000 and 15,000 homosexuals labeled deviants, thousands of mentally ill and disabled people, nearly 3,000 Catholics many of whom were priests, and as many as 3 million who were merely part of the resistance.

SO, what’s my point?

To begin with, today we can see how easy it is to ignore the hate inspired violence and  intimidation occuring right before our eyes. Fear and self preservation kick in and we choose to keep our heads down rather than step forward or speak out.  Secondly, by ignoring the fact that multiple groups were targeted by Hitler, we  can tell ourselves that what happened in Germany can’t possibly happen again, especially in the United States. Besides, we don’t hate Jews.  Yet.  Although President-elect Trump, his advisors, his future cabinet members, and his faithful followers have already begun to advocate policies such as the registration of specific people groups, rescinding the civil rights of certain citizens, conversion therapy for “deviants”, and racial segregation, we are cautioned by Republicans and evangelicals alike, that comparing Trump to Hitler is hyperbole bordering on hysteria.  Sadly, most will listen. They ‘ll temper their objections and take a let’s wait and see what happens with the real issues.

Meanwhile, brave men like Jonathan Greenblatt, who have drawn their lines in the sand, are left to wonder if others will recognize push has come to shove.  The time to choose between our fear and stepping forward is now.  Greenblatt’s declaration of solidarity with the Muslim people is not for those of us standing on the sidelines, a now or never challenge.  But, it is a warning shot across the bow of our indifference toward the injustice, oppression, and evil perpetrated on our fellow Americans.  At some point the rest of us will be called on to draw a line in the sand or turn our heads in shame.

I know what it is like to make a vow I cannot keep, so I will not sign my name to a pledge that might cost me nothing now but could cost me everything later.  I will, however continue to speak out.  I will continue to advocate for justice, inclusion, and equality.  And I will pray that when history and my Maker are ready to judge my witness, I will not be found wanting.